Now what...

What do you do when you feel like the whole world is crashing down around you and no one feels it but you?

Miles turned 3 on June 25th.  I have never struggled so much in my life and the hardest part is that no one seemed to understand why that day was so hard for me.  My only prayer is that someone in that orphanage so many miles away took my son into there arms and told him how special he is!! I take comfort in knowing that he will never have to spend another birthday without knowing a mothers love. 

That day proceeded to get worse.  We found out that NBC declined our home study because on page 4 it said "The Hawley Family is approved for a child with..." and on page 18 it said "The Hawley Family would consider a child with..."  Due to the fact that "approved" and "consider" did not match in our home study we were declined.  I proceeded to call our Social Worker and have her change the wording.  Since we had to have an edit made after the submission of our Home Study it was considered an addendum and cost $100. 

Whatever... I don't care how much it cost. I don't care how much debt.  I don't care! I WANT MY SON!! We paid the money.  Paid to have it expressed mailed to the NBC worker.  Once she received that we were suppose to be approved.  Only for her to come back and say that since our home study said we were open to a sibling group but did not specify the particulars we are denied again.  Another $100 later and another $35 expressed shipping charge we are now waiting to hear what the next piece of news will be. 

We found out the same day that the MOJ in Bulgaria closes the entire month of August.  If we don't get NBC approval and MOJ's stamp of approval before the end of July we will have to wait until September for a potential travel date!! KILLING ME SLOWLY!!! My fingers are crossed we get a travel date by end of July, will get to meet our son in August, come home, wait three months and will get to go pick up our son in Nov-Dec.  I am not sure if that is realistic since we were suppose to travel in June and it is July and we don't even have NBC approval yet. 

Frustrated with the process but 100% worth it.  Some days I feel defeated, other days inspired, other days ticked off, and most days just HOPEFUL!

Momma is coming my dear Miles....